Reddit Golf Content of the Week: What do you do when your spouse doesn't like that you golf?
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When it comes to significant others and golf, I am one of the lucky ones whose wife doesn't really object to me playing an embarrassing amount of golf, provided it doesn't cut into family time. I can sneak in nine holes some weekdays, I get one weekend round, and she's good with a handful of golf trips each year. In return, I get the kids when she plays tennis at night, I wake up early on the weekend day when I'm not playing, and we have a pretty solid sports truce.
But! That is not true for everyone. There is the stereotype of the wife or girlfriend who loathes when her man plays golf, but there's no reason this has to be limited to women—I'm sure I'm not the only one who has heard stories of the reverse situation. Nor should we condemn one side without knowing all the evidence, because clearly there is an amount of golf that is too much in certain scenarios...like having a family. This week on Reddit Golf, we had a great test case from user kevinz97, who wrote this post titled "Girlfriend hates me playing golf."
Hey guys, I’m a NY golfer. Since NY golf season is going to be ended soon, I planned a Thanksgiving golf trip to Puerto Rico with my golf buddies (all men) and I also invited my girlfriends to come with us because I don’t want to leave her at home during holiday.
She refused to come with us and I asked her if I can go with my golf buddies. She got very mad and said she is going to break up with me if I insist to go on this trip. The only option that she give me is to go to the place by her choice and no golfing at all.
What should I do?
Just giving you guys some background information: I only play one round of golf per month and I’m with my girlfriend every weekend and holiday.
Sorry for the missing context. We both from another country and we don’t have any family members in the states. We will not be see our parents during thanksgiving because Thanksgiving is too short and it takes 14 hours to fly back to our home country. It’s just two of us spending the holiday together. Im more than willing to take her on my golf trip or let her pick a place to travel where it can allow me to play one round of golf, or she can go travel somewhere else with her friends. Sadly none of the three options works for her.
Now, depending on who you are, your gut reaction might be a little different. If you're a golfer, you might be thinking, "runnn!" If you're a so-called golf widow, you might be thinking, "wait, the dude just straight up scheduled a trip without asking on a major family holiday?"
The reactions to the post hit both of those notes. A few examples:
She sounds like a drag. Could probably play once a week or more if you found a new one.
Ultimatums are never a sign of a successful relationship...time to say goodbye and enjoy the golf weekend with the lads.
Play golf. Oh, and don't marry her because this is only the beginning of your misery. Time to man up.
Ultimatums are the universal sign for “this ain’t gonna work”.
Looks like you’re changing ball to a Pro V Ex Girlfriend
You get the point. But despite these holding down some of the top spots as the most upvoted replies, there was a backlash to the reaction, and it came from those who were a bit befuddled by the circumstances and not so quick to condemn the unseen girlfriend.
Why doesn’t she like you playing golf?
Also, Thanksgiving is an important holiday to some people. Are you missing the actual holiday itself?
I’m a bit confused here…I feel like there’s some missing context.
Planned a Thanksgiving golf trip with my buddies…
Most women will probably have a issue with this, I mean, it’s one of our major holiday and tends to be family oriented…
are there no other times you can go?
If you can’t see why this would be an issue, you may want to evaluate whether you should be dating or not.
To be honest, it would be interesting to hear her side of the story. I bet it's just slightly different.
This isn’t about golf.
You planned a likely expensive trip without consulting her.
You planned a trip over a major holiday.
You invited her to what, sit around at a resort by herself while you and your buddies hang out all day?
The golf part of this is so far down the list. This was just a sh*tty move by you. Something tells me this isn’t the first time you’ve put your girl in a bad spot like this. And now you’re posting here almost gaslighting her to make yourself feel better about it? Cmon man.
Wow, tough stuff at the end there!
So how do we feel about all this? Is the "dump her now!" on the money, or does the girlfriend have a point? (Or do we, at the very least, need more information?)
In the end, I consider this one to be a bit of a red flag mostly because the guy offered an alternative of going with the girlfriend on their own vacation and playing golf exactly one time. And she shot that down too! The ultimatum of "go with me somewhere else and don't play or we break up" feels like some kind of coercion that doesn't bode well for future conflicts. In other words, if he goes down this path, he's going to be that friend we all have who can barely ever do anything.
Which isn't to say planning a whole Thanksgiving trip with your buddies and not telling your girlfriend, who will be on her own with no family on a big holiday, is a good thing! Communication, as usual, could have saved a lot of headache here. Still, being in a relationship requires rolling with some punches, and compromising where necessary, and the vibe here isn't so hot. Kevin, nobody asked me, but if they did, I'd say that Puerto Rico sounds fun, and make sure you get to see Old San Juan while you're there.